@MrsMikePatton: I scream. You scream. The police come. It's awkward.
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@MaryKoCo: If ur late to an appt, just tell them u had another one, but were on time to that one. That way they associate you with punctuality
@Sickayduh: Hey girl are you a Sony Pictures movie because I wanna [end of joke redacted due to foreign pressure]
@toastymoe: One of my co-workers just called the elevator a "vator". Anyways, long story short, this is my one phone call...
@abhorrent_wife: The 4 year old thinks a cat's tail is it's underwear because it covers the butthole. I can't really argue with that logic.