@Breadery: I scream. You scream. We all scream. I'm not supposed to be at this slumber party.
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@therealeatwood: RUSSELL: I told you that cheese wasn’t for you ME: [bitterly, mousetraps on both hands] Nothing’s ever for me, is it Russell
@donni: Guy on this bus just congratulated his friend for having a birthday. Indeed, congratulations are in order for this unique accomplishment
@MartaEffing: [breakup talk] H: Gimme one last chance! M: How can I trust you again? H: She meant nothing to me! M: Not that. You bought lite sour cream!
@TheMichaelRock: What's up with these people in Pakistan getting stoned to death? What kind of weed are they growing there?