@Breadery: I scream. You scream. We all scream. I'm not supposed to be at this slumber party.
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@iGreenMonk: Whenever my wife sing, i open up my room windows so the neighbors don't think I'm beating her.
@Writepop: In the new Star Wars film, Han Solo goes to Chewbacca's home planet and discovers that all the other Wookies wear pants.
@handsock_butts: Me: I didn't get anything this year. Do you think Santa's magic...is running out? Wife: Santa isn't real Me: Don't lie to save my feelings