@Breadery: I scream. You scream. We all scream. This fancy wine bars toilet gender signs were unclear.
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@DirtMcTurd: Ex (trying to make me jealous): I'm going to a party, everyone's drinking, laughing, and having fun! Me: that'll all stop once you show up
@WilliamRodgers: If Reincarnation ends up being real... Those People who got "YOLO" tattoos are going to look... Pretty Silly
@clindsaysway: When no one stars a tweet, I tell myself it was probably appreciated by hundreds of shy people.
@SteveSuckington: What's the smallest amount of money you would reach into a toilet to get? Mine is a skittle.