@TimJohnish: "I see that you're wearing a black shirt, so I'm going to be extra affectionate today." -Cats
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@jsam1126: A guy on the street just said "nice feet" to me can someone tell me seriously if that was a cat call?
@eyeswidebutt: [on phone] mom I need u to pick me up from the restaurant right now *whispers* no the date is going terrible, she pronounced it 'pokey-man'
@AristotlesNZ: Boss: "Thanks for making me my coffee. You know what'd go well with this?" Me: "The antidote?" Boss: "No, a nice..Wait, what?" Me: "Nothing"
@TheHyyyype: ME: *sighs* yep, story of my life EDITOR: please stop saying that every time you hand me a draft of your autobiography