@TimJohnish: "I see that you're wearing a black shirt, so I'm going to be extra affectionate today." -Cats
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@BitchyJasmine: My neighbors loved the music so much when I turned it up, that they invited the police to listen. :)
@poizngrl: Going to Walmart with my mom and kids is a great way to test if the Xanax is working! *eye twitches
@SamGrittner: *job interview* "Where do you see yourself in five years?" "Mirrors, puddles of water. Basically anything with a reflective surface."
@shopkins776: Gf: "You want to know what your problem is?" Me: *looks at watch* "Ok, but our dinner reservation is in six hours"