The Others (2001)
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Nobody:
Toy Makers: KIDS ARE PROBABLY HARD OF HEARING SO MAKE SURE EVERYTHING IS LOUD
The year is 3250 and scientists were able to extract the data from an old cell phone, dated around 2022, that they found in an archeological dig. They came to the conclusion that humans didn’t used to own clothes judging by all the naked pictures found in this phone.
why do these women want to date pete davidson, a funny movie star, and not me, a guy who is whining
Then they came for the bins, and I did not speak out, because I was not a bin man, and they were, and that was their job.
The fact that folks get so riled up over nudity but aren’t upset that anybody could be carrying a gun makes me want to shoot people.
I’m not afraid to say it, I’m against problems.
ME: [outlining corpse] I need other chalk
CHIEF: Just use white
M: Permission to speak freely
C: Go on
M: How can I draw the hair w/o yellow
12 was not amused when I made the comment of how good ‘we’ did on candy tonight
My boyfriend is so rude. He hasn’t even introduced himself to me yet.
“We have literally a zillion binders full of selfies.” – Top Secret NSA Memo
You can’t hurt me, you’re not the underwire in a bra I bought at the grocery store
boss: u should’ve been here at 9
me: why what happened at 9
I’m not that toxic
*glows in the dark*
This florist doesn’t even know anything about floors, and he’s acting like I’m the stupid one!
It’s unfortunate that our feet can’t taste things because there’s so much potential in flavored socks and crocs.
“We’ve been trying to reach you about your car’s extended warranty.”
I’m not going to make my daughter choose a religion, I’ll explain the differences & when the time comes she can choose either Marvel or DC.
having a drunk argument with someone over whether a sexy abraham lincoln costume would be hotter than a sexy teddy roosevelt and somehow we’re both losing
Whatever the plot is in Barbie’s movie, my dolls have been through worse
Week three of my new job, they’re all cunts.
There’s a weekly team call at 9am every Monday, what’s wrong with these people???
Having survived numerous mysterious strangers attempting to kill him as a child, Hitler swore revenge on a cruel world.
It was so cold UN weapons inspectors suddenly decided that chemical weapons might be hidden in Hawaii
Kid: My sandwich has too much peanut butter on it.
Me: *makes new sandwich*
Kid: This one has too little.
Me: *makes one just right*
Kid: I don’t like peanut butter anymore.
Anyone know any Sausage Biscuits looking for a job?
[at recycling center]
Me: *unloads 46 bags of crushed aluminum cans*
Cashier: Wow! *hands me $1*
Bottom line: parenting interferes with my ability to be lazy.
Daenerys Targaryen is basically one of those people that thinks they’re a parent because they have a dog.
How much credibility is there in that whole “you can punch yourself handsome” theory?
Asking for a friend.
Two guys are driving through Indiana and they stop at a fast food place in Louisville. They start arguing about how the name of the town is pronounced, if it’s Louis-vill or Lou-ee-vill. They ask the cashier “how do you say the name of this place?”
She says “Burger King.”