@moodtooth: I see you've chosen to express your midlife crisis with cologne.
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@Robski_Boy: If I reach 700 followers, I'm gonna tweet naked for the next hour. Won't do much for you guys, but it'll certainly liven up Starbucks.
@Death_Buddy: *gets summoned to the spider court* YOU ARE HEREBY CHARGED WITH THE CRUSHING OF 4 SPIDERS HOW DO YOU PLEAD? *places glass over spider judge*
@ghostkrogh: fred flinstone (my landlord): the rent is due me: say it fred: pls no me: i'm not paying fred: *sighs* the rent is yabba dabba due me: haha
@ch000ch: i listed my ex as my emergency contact at my new job bc if i have a heart attack i need to tell kathy to burn in hell one last time