@moodtooth: I see you've chosen to express your midlife crisis with cologne.
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@Sickayduh: I'm gonna strap a snowblower on my roof and start driving south. When someone asks me what it is, that's where I'm gonna live.
@truegritrumble: ME: Can I borrow your car? FRIEND: You already borrowed my car. ME: *nervously* Can I borrow another one?
@DirtMcTurd: 6: Dad what's a Kardashian? Me: Nobody really knows... 6: Sounds really stupid Me: I love you
@my_minivan_life: "Owen, you must hide this baby from Anakin Skywalker at all costs." "Okay. Should we continue to call him Luke Skywalker?" "That's cool."