@moodtooth: I see you've chosen to express your midlife crisis with cologne.
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@Moronyc: I'm tired of writing "Sent from my iPhone" at the end of all me e-mails, maybe I should just get an iPhone
@GinGander: Only 1 in 6 Americans can find Ukraine on a map... Putin is fixing the issue by just calling it all "Russia".
@KentWGraham: If you pack an acid-laced brownie in your lunch, you can quickly identify the employee who’s stealing all the food from the fridge.
@Poutymcgee: The cat licks itself and it's cute. I do it and I'm "no longer allowed in the library".