@NikiWithIssues: I sent 117 texts and called you 82 times but you must be busy so I came over to tell you the restraining order expired and I still love you!
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@XplodingUnicorn: My dog loves me, but he also eats his own poop. I don't think I can trust his judgment.
@EamonToPlease: [baby is bouncing in swing seat] I I wish I had one of those. HER DAD They bring great joy. I (to self) Oh, he thinks I mean a baby.
@Dawn_M_: I wrote "except zombies" on my welcome mat so I know I'll be safe during a zombie apocalypse.