@josePhDhoran: I set up a trap to catch the tooth fairy but she caught on and placed my parents in the trap instead. what a tricky fairy.
PS. i want my $1!
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@McNarstle: "He's gone too far." "He crossed the line between science & ethics." "He's playing God." -reaction to the amount of cheese I put in omelets
@suntzufuntzu: bewitching sea ghost seeks unwary sailor for fulfillment of ancient curse, maybe more
@ShutUpThatsWho: [first date] OK don't let her know you're a snail Waiter: Would you like some salt? [flips table over] OH HELL NO [bolts out real slowly]
@DirtMcTurd: My wife said I couldn't finger paint and also she says that "Paint" is a stupid name for our cat
@XplodingUnicorn: My 5-year-old refused to eat her dinner because Netflix was running slow. At least she picked a worthy cause for her hunger strike.
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