@Sickayduh: I sexually identify with the black guy in a horror movie because this won't last long and we all know it
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@GrabTheWEness: If goldfish crackers actually tasted like goldfish-- wait, I just realized I've never tasted a goldfish. What if the crackers are accurate?
@Underchilde: Dear Abby, I want to run over my neighbor with my SUV. How can I do that without raising my insurance rates?
@Brentweets: I almost choken on food and the whole time it was happening I was just thinking "What a cliche way for a fat person to die of"