@ericsshadow: I shake my bottled water so the H's & O's are evenly distributed.
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@LilBlueBlood: Stranger adds me to facebook *has a panic attack* Creepy as hell stranger follows on twitter *does victory dance*
@katiefzack: If a guy runs his fingers through your hair, there is a 33.3% chance you are being used as a napkin.
@chrissyteigen: I always have a note in my pocket that says "john did it" just in case I'm murdered because I don't want him to remarry #truelove #tips