@ericsshadow: I shake my bottled water so the H's & O's are evenly distributed.
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@GinAndJif: "Dave's coming for dinner tonight." "Dave from work or Dave who misquotes Disney...?" [from outside] "...hakuna banana."
@rambo_dogg: If Romeo & Juliet didn't die and were allowed to marry, they'd have kids, get fat, and eventually hate each other. So it was a happy ending
@Chelsea_Elle: The best part of being a girl is not having to open doors. If I approach a door and a guy isn't there I just take a nap til one shows up.
@TheToddWilliams: Dentist: How often do you floss? Dracula: Every day Dentist: Your gums are covered in blood. Dracula: Oh...I mean never. I never floss.