@E_lok44: I shaved my legs today and drew the hair back on. I don't get it, eyebrow ladies, I don't get it.
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@flashember: Dog (curled up, napping): I never poop on the carpet and I love cats. Wife: Is the dog talking in its sleep? "Shhh let sleeping dogs lie."
@TheTweetOfGod: 'Twas the day before Lent, and when it was done, not a creature was sober, not even a nun.
@_sweet_ham: My cat just dragged in a half eaten sausage, I have no idea where he got it from but it tastes expensive.