@TySmithdrums: "I SHOULD HAVE KILLED YOU WHEN I HAD THE CHANCE," I scream, as a sudden gust of wind blows the spider I threw outside onto my face.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@TexasHickspanic: The funniest thing about being sober is to realize you were so drunk last night you were tweeting all night with a calculator.
@Parentpains: Some coworkers remind me of my ex, because I would jump in front of a bus to get out of a conversation with them too.
@thenoahkinsey: As long as the stupid phrase "interracial relationship" exists, I'm going to refer to same race ones as a "color-coordinated relationship."