@mindintheshadow: I should probably eat this entire bag of Oreos tonight since they're going to expire in 2017.
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@TheDeadfishSays: "Everything the light touches is ours," I tell my son while opening the fridge.
@ElleOhHell: [at library] ME: Yes, I'd like to Czech out a book on eastern Europe. LIBRARIAN: 3rd floor ME: Get it? L: This is dialog, I'm not reading it
@just1fool: To convert Celsius to Fahrenheit to double Celsius and add thirty. To convert someone to Mormonism you double the wives and add 17 kids.