@mindintheshadow: I should probably eat this entire bag of Oreos tonight since they're going to expire in 2017.
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@WheelTod: Early in any job interview be sure to use the phrase "I always give 110%", so you can quickly gauge their tolerance for working with idiots.
@DillDoes: [god inventing animals] okay here's a new one. It's an umbrella "okay" made out of jello "alright" and it electrocutes things "you're drunk"
@noog: I wish the entire planet could come together as one and agree to refer to Kanye as Kanye Kardashian so we can bask in his shattered ego.