@sarah1mc: I should probably see someone about my mental health, like a drug dealer or bartender or something.
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@weenbeans: *rubs temples* security guard: Hey you! Stop touching the historic buildings at this ancient religious site!!
@UncleDuke1969: Government Shutdown: Day 4 3am: Monkey House, National Zoo A door crashes open. A triumphant screech. Ben Stiller escapes into the night.
@loudmouth_usa: Him: If you could have dinner with any people, living or dead, who would you choose? Me: All the dead ones