@sarah1mc: I should probably see someone about my mental health, like a drug dealer or bartender or something.
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@AdamGrinchyPoo: "Honey, I'm pregnant" "Are you kidding me?" "That's another way of saying it, I guess, yeah"
@DrDogMD: DR DOG: It says you're here for a blood test. First, some questions. Number one: over the last six months who's been a good boy?
@ObscureGent: If a gorilla stole my girlfriend and started throwing barrels at a construction site, the last guy I'm gonna call for help is a plumber.
@Mr_Kapowski: A coworker sent me an instant message mistakenly typing "The cloak stopped working" to which I responded "OMG you can see me?!"