@osoplain: I should start carrying a pool noodle in my car and randomly smack cars when stuck in traffic
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@philmann: I'm the opposite of a bee keeper. I lose bees all the time. I left a hive on the train today. Just accidentally threw a bee at a nun.
@KalvinMacleod: INTERVIEWER: your resume says that you take things too literally ME: how the hell did my resume say that?
@ashleyaustrew: I'm on the snake diet. It's the one where you lie on the floor all day, eat 25% of your body weight, and hiss at anyone who comes near you.
@canazn_73: Apparently the unbuttoning of a shirt and letting your hair down for a cop only works for women.