@DeeLish_DG13: I sometimes feel like the Angel on my shoulder is on vacation & the Devil invited his cousin over for a play date
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@knot_eye: I was so happy my mail order bride arrived today. My Wife wasn't. She did say I can use the crate as a doghouse. Odd, we don't own a dog.
@Marcmywords2: Hey Dad, The airport called, if you don't turn down your TV, they're filing a complaint.
@DillDoes: [Bar] "What'll you have" Scotch "You want it neat" No thanks *bartender throws some crumbs and hair in my whisky* Thanks
@kittykaresless: Boss confused me with another employee and fired me. Then called two days later to fire me for not showing up for 2 days. #HowIGotFired