@DeeLish_DG13: I sometimes feel like the Angel on my shoulder is on vacation & the Devil invited his cousin over for a play date
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@Ristolable: What my girlfriend thought, first 4 dates: 1. Nice shirt. 2. Wow. A second nice shirt. 3. Okay, first shirt again. 4. He has two shirts.
@natedog2049: Serial killers start their day by eating breakfast at McDonalds. Let me rephrase. They arent serial killers until they order & have to wait.
@JoParkerBear: Donald Trump is probably the closest we'll ever get to electing Eric Cartman president.
@SortaBad: saleslady: can I help you "yes, how many leg holes do these pants have?" saleslady: ummm just the usual two "nice, nice"