@DeeLish_DG13: I sometimes feel like the Angel on my shoulder is on vacation & the Devil invited his cousin over for a play date
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@JohnLyonTweets: Apparently doctors don't like it when you ask them what the street value of your pain meds is.
@eminmien: "What do you get if you cross a monkey and a lion?" I glance nervously over to the basement door, afraid she's seen something she shouldn't.
@nonchalantnacho: Glad my dog is warning me about the child walking down the street catching snowflakes on his tongue. He seems sketchy.
@weinerdog4life: Keanu Reeves watching a Keanu Reeves movie trying to figure out how he's in two places at once.