@mellimelle: I spend 90% of my life trying to do the right thing and the other half wondering why I don't understand Math.
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@KenJennings: LIFE HACK tell the hotel you forgot your toothbrush. They don't even check, they just give you a brand new one!!! It's so sweet
@PajamaStew: "Welcome to the future. Let me show you around. Here's the bathroom. This is a robot that we invented that screams at your wet hands."
@AverageCorners: 11: Did it rain last night? Me: No. 11: But it's so wet! Me: That's what she said. 11: What? Me: What?
@AaronNevins: You washed your hands? Be honest. Your hands washed each other, and you just watched like a sick freak.