@mellimelle: I spend 90% of my life trying to do the right thing and the other half wondering why I don't understand Math.
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@Robert_Beau: Boss: You gonna get any work done today? Me: Sorry Boss, I was up late watching the game, I'll pick it up. B: Who won? M: Jack Daniels
@OBiiieeee: Yo son, do you like nachos? "Hell yeah!" *son goes in for high 5* That's good, 'cause I'm nacho real dad *rejects high 5* You're adopted lol
@AlexvanBeek: Imagine how much more useful Superman would've been if he'd helped people move their heavy furniture instead.