@mellimelle: I spend 90% of my life trying to do the right thing and the other half wondering why I don't understand Math.
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@Rollmaninoz: Cop: *with my license* says here you're supposed to wear glasses Me: I have contacts Cop: I don't care who you know, put your glasses on
@gitson_shiggles: Turns out that when asked which was my favourite of all the X-Men that "Caitlyn Jenner" was not a valid answer.
@TheTweetOfGod: Justin Bieber's home has now been thoroughly searched, but police have uncovered no evidence of talent.