@KrunkedRobot: I spend 99% of my drunk time chasing my cat around trying to give him a hug.
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@FatherWithTwins: *co-worker approaching elevator* *I try to hit "close door" button* *I miss, hit "open door"* Co-worker: thanks for holding it Me: Of course
@VeggieMonger: My mother said that I looked "cheap" with my bra showing underneath my clothes - so I took my bra off.
@MariyaAlexander: Whenever people say they're willing to do "whatever it takes" to "make it in Hollywood" they never mean "patiently work on their craft".