@KrunkedRobot: I spend 99% of my drunk time chasing my cat around trying to give him a hug.
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@TheBoydP: "If your father asks you to pick up 5 large bags of ice, the best place to put them is in the backyard in direct sun" ~My son apparently
@ComedicBust: I joined snapchat yesterday; apparently my phone doesn't die fast enough for my liking.
@TheMichaelRock: We'd probably have a lot less crime if superheroes would stop making movies all the time.