@sucittaM: I sprayed a mosquito with mosquito repellent and now he'll never have any friends.
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@jeff_ratfamily: A ladies magazine told me to compliment my wifes booty. So I told her I was glad it wasn't hairy. I need a place to stay
@AndyAsAdjective: I can't prove it, but from the sound of it, I'm pretty sure there's an injured dolphin stuck in my dishwasher.
@badbanana: If the shoe fits, wear it. And if these shoes belong to someone else, walk away briskly.
@AGStr8upNinja: I purposely park three feet away from the drive thru window so Mcdonalds employees can get in their daily stretches.