@BlondeFacade: I sprayed Taylor Swift's new perfume on me then started writing a five page letter to the boy who forgot to put a straw in my bag at Arby's.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@dyldonot: "any questions for Mr. deGrasse Tyson?" [I knock over an old woman while sprinting to the mic] HOW DOES AIR CONDITIONING WORK IN SPACE?
@Abusitron: As the anesthetic knocks you out, your surgeon washes his hands and misses a really easy shot into the garbage with the paper towel.
@andylassner: At least once a day I say "nice to meet you" to someone I've already met which is a great feeling for all involved.