@batkaren: I stand at airplane arrival gates with a "SAMANTHA" sign, then cry after everyone's exited until airport security brings me soup. Free soup!
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@Try2StopME: Guys, if you forget your girl's birthday, just look into her eyes and say, "I love you." Then run, because that is not going to help.
@alldrolledup: my ex: sometimes I forget why we ever broke up me: when you do that sigh thing I can hear your nose hair
@PaulyPeligroso: Why do people draw sunglasses on the sun? It's like, dude, he's the sun. They make sunglasses because of him.
@Jenny4ashley: [gets pulled over for speeding] Where's the fire ma'am? *grips lighter* "I'm not sure yet"