@ch000ch: i started vaping to fit in with my friends, who are mostly steam whistles
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@angibangie: [both kids on my lap] Me:This is so nice 5yo:Mommy your breath stinks. M: I carried you for 9 months! 4yo:Why didn't you use a stroller?
@Skullcat: I take comfort in the fact that my neighbour will probably die before me. I'll be at his funeral, leafblowing through the entire ceremony.
@Old_Pat_Bren: Hey, Sean Bean, it's either Shaun Baun or Seen Been. You can't have it both ways.
@Cherbearxo: The secret to sustaining a happy marriage is to keep the mystery alive. So tonight I decided to clean something unexpectedly.