@PaulyPeligroso: I stash my weed in the middle of a bunch of Russian nesting dolls so when the cops are searching for it they give up like after 5 dolls.
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@ehdannyboy: People that start a sentence with "Now I'm not trying to be rude" are either about to be rude, or about to sing Ignition by R Kelly.
@LurkAtHomeMom: 3: *throws plate in sink Me: but you barely ate! 3: yeah, I'm full...what are you eating? Me: the same thing you had 3: can I have a bite?