@OnlyFastEddie: I stick pins and needles in the people I don't like because can't afford voodoo dolls.
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@ibid78: -Joe's coming over. "Joe from work or Joe who thinks he's the Norse god, Thor?" [the distant sound of thunder makes the guacamole quiver]
@AbbyHasIssues: I like to do laundry in stages. For example, right now I’m in denial that I should be doing laundry.
@MableGertrude: If you know a clumsy person you secretly wish would die, give them some rollerblades.
@MUMSIEesq: ME: I should get out of bed. FRIEND: I already ran 9.5 miles and baked 17 cakes. M: I might shower today. F: My husband invented showers.