@OnlyFastEddie: I stick pins and needles in the people I don't like because can't afford voodoo dolls.
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@iRowlf: "Yo, somebody filled this calzone with a checkbook and sunglasses!" -Vin Diesel eating a purse
@JermHimselfish: *holding a rattlesnake in each hand* These are the angriest maracas I've ever played
@faizziy: Apparently "The WiFi signal is the strongest there" isn't the right answer when the boss asks "Why are you spending so much time in toilet?"
@senderblock23: [someone reading a beautiful poem in german] ME: i have never been more frightened