@treydayway: I stopped trying to be a thug when I found out there was something called a caramel Frappuccino.
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@AsaAkira: A lot of you are calling me "mom" lately. Is it cause I'm old? Or cause you respect me? I hope for your sake it's cause I'm old.
@matsmoustache: You walk into my bedroom... I'm laying naked with a platter of nachos on my chest. You get punched while trying to take some of my nachos.
@abbycohenwl: [sees old lady drop $20] Devil on Shoulder: Grab her cash! Devil on other Shoulder: And push her over!
@FSUSteve: Ever been in the middle of writing a great tweet and think, did I just run someone over?