@treydayway: I stopped trying to be a thug when I found out there was something called a caramel Frappuccino.
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@Mr_Kapowski: [restaurant] Man *proposing to his gf*: "Will you make me the happiest man alive?" [me, alone, eating nachos a table over] "Not possible"
@bathflyer: A ponytail so tight I look 5 years younger and everyone thinks I've been smiling all day.
@robdelaney: The name Corey is short for Coriander. Coreys will try & tell you it's not but they are lying.