@treydayway: I stopped trying to be a thug when I found out there was something called a caramel Frappuccino.
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@iGreenMonk: She: We are having my mother For dinner tonight? Me: But darling i'm a vegetarian. . how can i eat her?
@ImaFlyontheWall: Drunk me used to set a "Mystery Alarm" on my phone to pop up and confuse daytime sober me
@Aspersioncast: We should call them Whether Men, because they don't know whether or not it's going to rain, get it? That's a good one.