@theevilwriter: I stopped writing poetry when I realized their only value was to threaten to read them to people if they didn't do what I wanted.
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@DearAnyone: A good way to get out of a conversation is to take off one of your socks and hand it to the person talking.
@SardonicTart: Sometimes I'm scared I'll miss my kids when they move out but then I find a bowl of cereal in the bathtub tub and I'm not so scared anymore.
@bridger_w: I bet Adam and Eve loved being the first people cuz they didn't have to worry about ghosts