@KenJennings: I subscribe to Groupon because it's good to know which nearby restaurants have mediocre food & will probably be out of business soon.
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@Tmoney68: Stephen Hawking says artificial intelligence could destroy the human race. Sorry Stephen, but my money's on LACK of intelligence.
@Jez1: You text him, he doesn't text you back. Obviously he was so excited that you texted that he fainted.
@InternetHippo: I was 13 the first time I tried probiotics. Some kids were passing a cup of yogurt around at a party. I figured why not? Now I’m in prison.