@KenJennings: I subscribe to Groupon because it's good to know which nearby restaurants have mediocre food & will probably be out of business soon.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@HousewifeOfHell: TEXTING 101 ME: Hi College son: ME: How are you? CS: ME: Are you still alive? CS: ... CS: CS: ME: I can cut off your phone CS: Hi Ma love u
@rdthought: Girlfriend: Stop lying around on the couch all day. Me: But you said we needed to start conserving energy.
@UrbanDouchebag: I wonder if flies ever think, "I bet I could get this guy to slap himself in the face." Because they'd be right.