@eddiesnextwife: Because you crave something doesn't mean it's good for you. Every time my husband opens his mouth about politics I crave instant death.

@HellisWorthit: My spanish class in high school should have had a bit less "Where is the bathroom" and a bit more "She was dead when we got here".

@SexytotheNorth: The Cheesecake Factory is finally coming to Canada! ...now I can stop being so nice to the Americans.

@The_No_Show: "DON'T YOU DIE ON ME!" he screamed at his phone. Everyone else on the train hugged their phones a bit closer.

@RockKraller: I swear...I think restaurants with drive thru's identify the dumbest employee and say "here, you get to wear the headset"