@michaeljdawson: Perhaps Nicki Minaj just lost a series of bets.
@kwkorpi: My dog just winked at me, and now I'm wondering just exactly what the two of us are keeping from the rest of the family.
@chimneyspotter: DATE: Ooh, such long fingers
ME: Yeah, know what other long body part I have?
D: I have an idea *sexy wink*
M: My intestines are about 30ft
@SortaBad: Cop: Tell us what you know!
Me: Penguins are monogamous creatures with noted cases of bisexuality
Cop: *typing up his science report*
@fatherofcomedy: A recent study by UN has found dexter to be the no 1 cause for ocean pollution
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