@michaeljdawson: Perhaps Nicki Minaj just lost a series of bets.

@kwkorpi: My dog just winked at me, and now I'm wondering just exactly what the two of us are keeping from the rest of the family.

@chimneyspotter: DATE: Ooh, such long fingers ME: Yeah, know what other long body part I have? D: I have an idea *sexy wink* M: My intestines are about 30ft

@SortaBad: Cop: Tell us what you know! Me: Penguins are monogamous creatures with noted cases of bisexuality Cop: *typing up his science report*

@fatherofcomedy: A recent study by UN has found dexter to be the no 1 cause for ocean pollution