@huntigula: I take karate classes solely to fight off hobos who mistake my man bun for a delicious cinnamon roll
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@Parentpains: In Canada, a drive by shooting is just a guy using finger guns while winking at a chick he has no chance with.
@robfee: Yelp is a great way to find out where garbage people will never eat again because one time a waitress forgot their honey mustard.
@IGotsSmarts: If Minnie Driver married Bradley Cooper her name would be oh god I can't even finish this one
@TheMichaelRock: Coworker: I could care less! Me: How much less could you care? Coworker: I don't get it. Me: I noticed.