@ReeseButCallMeV: I taught my 1yo how to turn on my mother-in-law's dishwasher since she only uses it for storage.
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@tkhan74: I surveyed 100 women and asked them what shampoo they used when showering, 98 of them said, "How the hell did you get in here?"
@MrsJekyllsHyde: Coworker: I don't even know what's wrong with me. *sighs Me: Oo Oooo pick me pick me I know *raises hand with answer
@abhorrent_wife: Volunteer me to do something without checking with me first so I know whose mailbox to leave the dead squirrel in.