@ReeseButCallMeV: I taught my 1yo how to turn on my mother-in-law's dishwasher since she only uses it for storage.
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@EndhooS: *stood on Eiffel tower watching a beautiful sunset* Sara? *Gets down on one knee* *audible gasp* "Yes?" Help my knee is made of magnets
@Darlainky: Kids today will never know what it's like to have a 3rd grade teacher who teaches every subject and even serves as dentist on fluoride day.
@Jenny4ashley: [speed dating] Me: Have you ever choked someone? "No I would never do something like that" Me: Next
@DomBorrett: Saw a guy this morning covered from head to toe in camouflage and sporting a fluorescent safety jacket... You can't have it both ways mate