@Breadery: I taught my daughter to whistle a few days ago and now I'm teaching her that whistling can lead to adoption.
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@WookieInMyPants: Me: Can I leave early? Boss: Why? Me: Death Boss: Who died? Me: No one yet Boss: Me: Boss: Get out
@truegritrumble: (Halloween Costume Shop) ME: *leaving after not finding anything* CASHIER: *pointing to my face* Those masks aren't free, buddy.