@RealSudoNim: I tell women I can't open that jar because I have a headache.
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@DaddyJew: *6 opens piggy bank* Me: wtf where'd you get all that? 6: mommy said I could take $1 out of your wallet each day bc you'd never know
@blondecalamity: My decision to have kids was based solely on the fact that I was so tired of seeing movies in their entirety & craved constant interruption.
@SamuelHLowe: Shout out to the creepy guy sitting in your bedroom chair who turns into clothes as soon as you turn on the lights.