@RealSudoNim: I tell women I can't open that jar because I have a headache.
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@truegritrumble: HER: You almost ready to go to my mothers? ME: *looking out window wondering if the jump will only break a leg & not kill me* Be right down.
@dulcetry: One time I saw a biker's funeral procession and realized even dead people are cooler than me.
@BakedBrotatoes: [Job Interview] *okay, he can't find out I'm a wolf* *fixes tie* *checks breath* IS THAT A PICTURE OF YOUR BABY SHE LOOKS DELICIOUS