@Rollinintheseat: I think all dads are in a secret competition to see who can sneeze the loudest.
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@cambuslad: Wife just shouted to me to get my big chopper out .After the panic subsided, I realised she meant we were out of firewood for the stove.
@FrenulumBreve: [homocide scene] DETECTIVE:"my god, in my 25 years on the force i've never seen a dead ghost." COP:"sir?, we covered the body with a sheet."
@Brampersandon_: *Trains lightning bugs to spell* Karen, they have a message for u WILL YOU M- "Omg Yes!" OVE OUT? Oh good. Here I packed your bags already.