@Rollinintheseat: I think all dads are in a secret competition to see who can sneeze the loudest.
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@djdarrellripley: Now, if you all will excuse me I'm going into my closet and I'm not coming out until I find something with an elastic waist...
@GUBLERNATION: accidentally stabbed a friend last night but a little later a different friend caught on fire and i put him out with my hand so i'm even
@1Happytwit: You don't need to use your words if you're carrying a machete. People just seem to figure it out.