@LuvPug: I think between the two of them, Kim & Kanye had enough money for a box of condoms.
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@Masquerage: I forgot my phone so I asked this guy what time it was. He said "time to get a watch" & laughed. So I kicked him in the balls. It was 6:30.
@KKAlThani: Accidentally ran over my neighbor's cat today & I was scared to tell him to his face so I left a note saying "curiosity was here"
@simoncholland: One good thing about having kids is that they are sick every time I get invited to something I don't want to do.