@markleggett: I think comic book bad guys have the right idea, aiming their weapons directly at Captain America's shield. That's probably his weak point.
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@meatlobes: *waits for you to fall asleep* *rolls out from under your bed* *moisturizes your knees and elbows*
@mindykaling: When I wear those trendy sports bras with a million straps I get stuck in them like a seagull in a six pack ring
@pinupteacher: The "Ooooo" the audience makes during a sitcom kiss but for me when I finally take a shower.