@LeahsLounge: I think having a highway to Hell and only a stairway to Heaven says a lot about anticipated traffic numbers.
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@RelatableQuote: She wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts, we are both very unprepared for this cold weather
@bea_ker: Just went for a piss while still wearing my microphone and the whole conference heard me call the urinal a "thirsty boy"
@TwiCarlyGleeber: Girl likes 'boys with accents <333' on Facebook. I charge at her. "HELLOUGH!! I AM HELMUT, FROM RUSSIA. I WORK AS STRANGLER AT MEAT FACTORY"
@SteveSuckington: If a serial killer commits suicide, you can console his family by saying, "hey, at least he died doing what he loved"