@AbbyHasIssues: I think I just invented four new yoga poses trying to get a chocolate chip that I dropped under the table.
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@longwall26: God: So I was, all, what if there was a fish made of jelly? Like, jelly but alive and in the sea? LOL [angels look nervously at one another]
@iwearaonesie: wife: YOU changed the sheets?! [flashback to me eating nachos in bed after she told me not to and getting cheese everywhere] me: Surprise!
@CoopSoSarc: I saw this lady vogueing alone so I felt bad and started dancing with her. Anyone know sign language for 'Im sorry'?