@AbbyHasIssues: I think I just invented four new yoga poses trying to get a chocolate chip that I dropped under the table.
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@CornOnTheGoblin: [at my funeral] ventriloquist: please don't judge me, he paid me a lot of money to do this me: hi everybody!
@WilliamAder: Do those "selfie sticks" retract, or do you just have to walk around like a doofus with a stick all day?
@SaraESpivey: I turned my phone onto "Airplane Mode" and threw it into the air. Worst. Transformer. Ever.