@lmwortho: I think if a trained monkey could drive a car, cook & give out money, my kids wouldn't notice it wasn't me. I need a monkey.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Lexi__Alexandra: My doctor said i shouldn't just binge drink all weekend. I tried taking his advice but can't drink a bottle of Jack Daniels every day.
@sarcasticmommy4: Me: It's been a while since we've had to take one of the kids to the ER. Trampoline: Hold my beer.
@flouncingqueen: [airplane nose dives] *turns to kid behind 'Could you please stop kicking my seat!'
@illuminatedwndr: the guy at Subway just put Cheetos on my sandwich. can't tell if he's stoned, or he knows that I am