@lmwortho: I think if a trained monkey could drive a car, cook & give out money, my kids wouldn't notice it wasn't me. I need a monkey.
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@liv_thatsme: "WHAT DID YOU DO WITH MY 40 POUNDS OF SPINACH?" Me: I cooked it for you. It's over there, on that teaspoon.
@Dutch_50: What's the name of the phobia for a fear of opening your mailbox because there might be a wedding invitation inside?
@SadieSmithRoks: Not a lot of people know this, but if you dress up like a pirate and go into Red Lobster, you eat for free.