@StellaRtwot: I think I'll test to see if my husband is checking my browser history by searching "How to tell if your baby is black in the womb."
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@moooooog35: I don't trust kids as far as I can throw them. Currently my record for trusting a kid is 6 feet 11-1/4 inches.
@JessicaNorthey: Got a call saying my son got caught lying, cheating & was being expelled. I don't have a son. That kid is one damn good liar
@daemonic3: [solar eclipse] SUN: OMG everyone's taking my picture today, they must love me! Do I look ok? Hope nobody photobombs me MOON: Hold my beer
@jasonroeder: The cashier seemed to appreciate that I bagged my own groceries until I unpacked them all and said, "That's how I want you to do it."