I think it’s obvious that Goo Goo Dolls and Lady Gaga should do a side project together and call it Goo Goo Gaga.
You Might Also Like
Without Googling, can you close your laptop, drive to the beach, and throw your phone into the ocean?
The man who invented PIN numbers and ATM machines has died.
May he RIP in peace.
Who called it ‘my foot’s asleep’ and not ‘comatoes’
I’m going to normalize a new trend.
Unsolicited *CROC* pics
there is no need for awkward apologies if you walk in on someone and they’re naked, just say “haha saw your doodle” and walk off. simples
All sex is “make up sex” if you don’t know what you’re doing.
“Rapunzel, Rapunzel let down your hair!”
*A long strand of smelly hair falls out the tower*
“Screw this!”
*goes in for first kiss*
*stops*
Before this goes any further, I need to understand your position on naming our kids after water Pokèmon
[lightbulb store]
owner: “what watt can i get you?”
me:
owner:
me:
owner: “did i stutter?”
me: “i dont know”
Made a special running playlist that’s nothing but zombie moans & shuffling feet. I’ve lost 20 pounds & can run a 4:30 minute mile.
son: Why do people tell jokes?
me: To make other people laugh
son: So why do you tell jokes?
To celebrate Boxing Day on Friday, I had a five minute training montage and beat the shit out of the biggest Russian I could find …
Whatever you say to someone, do it while slowly landscaping a tiny zen garden to really bring it home.
-911 what’s your emergency?
-People are pronouncing it EX-presso.
I just posted a selfie and people told me to get well soon.
An alternate Batman origin story where Bruce’s parents are slowly pushed off a ledge by Catwoman.
When you open your heart to someone, there is blood. Lots and lots of blood. And then you die. So don’t open your heart.
I added someone as a friend 2 years ago but they haven’t responded. They must be really busy.
Lmao the reply
The possibility of there being cake will greatly affect my interest and/or possible involvement.
Superman: Only one cookie left.
Batman: Rock, paper, scissors for it?
Superman: 1, 2, 3, GO!
Batman: *pulls out Kryptonite and eats cookie*
I love Buzzfeed because all the headlines are something a drunk girl would say right before passing out. “Um did you know corgis can wink??”
My kids teeth are harder than my forehead and no I would not like to elaborate.
Allow me to demonstrate my special technique of hearing what isn’t being said.
Based on the things my kid will and won’t eat, my cooking is apparently worse than a stale Fruit Loop covered in dog hair.
TWITTER: Do you want to see this?
ME: No, never
TWITTER: Ok
ME: Good
TWITTER: You will see this less often
*alien tries to burst through chest
*years of fried foods have made my stomach walls unbreakableMe: HAHA!
Alien: Laugh it up, now I have to go out the other way
Me:
*travels back in time to kill Hitler as a baby* *becomes known as time-traveling baby murderer & history’s greatest monster*
We got the Christmas tree yesterday, and now my wife knows that I was the chief architect working on the leaning tower of Pisa