@JennyJohnsonHi5: I think it's weird how President Obama appointed George Clooney Secretary Of Handsome. #DNC
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@markleggett: MAJOR TOM: Tell my wife I love her very much… GROUND CONTROL: She knows. MAJOR TOM: Wait… Is she with you now? GROUND CONTROL: Bye, Tom.
@TheDairylandDon: A magician begins pulling scarf after scarf after scarf out of his front tuxedo pocket until Steven Tyler slowly fades away from all photos.
@WilliamAder: Bought a cat collar with a bell on it, and now I can't sneak up on the cat to put it on her.