@_InsanelyNormal: I think my husband cheated on me. Not one of our kids resembles him at all...
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@truegritrumble: WIFE:The pinata is in the tree out back ME:Huh? I sent the kids to the one in front W:What one in front? *angry bees are just everywhere*
@SalimAliAhmad: Do you ever go on youtube just to watch a music video then 5 hours later you find yourself watching a tutorial on how to talk to a giraffe?
@jakob_huber: It saddens me that the closest my car will ever get to being a Transformer is when I fold in the side mirrors.
@Parentpains: Ever get the feeling someone is watching you when you sleep? Yeah, sorry about that.