@_InsanelyNormal: I think my husband cheated on me. Not one of our kids resembles him at all...
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@Lisa_Laughs_: I'm just a girl, with a baseball bat, smashing my internet modem into a gazillion pieces.
@mortimermaiden: Friend: *sees my new tattoo of dogs kissing* Whoa! Is that permanent?! Me: Yup. Friend: Wow. What's it mean? Me: It means I can't remove it.
@LolaFaglana: I taught my youngest niece and nephew to say "Mommy steals credit cards" when they're in a checkout line.