@CodyJP9412: I think one of the toughest parts about growing up is realizing that you don't sweat blue if you drink blue Gatorade.
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@ComedicBust: My uber driver's looking at me like he's never seen anyone eat a bowl of cereal in the back of his car before.
@BruceForce: Day 1: Brad wears no pants Day 2: Brad wears no pants Day 3: Brad wears no pants ... ... This is just a bottomless Pitt
@Laser_Cat: All the girls I've ever kissed can agree on one thing. It's weird that I have a beak.
@QwertyJones3: [interview for an accounting job] Your resumé says your greatest strength is using idioms. How can that help in this job? "You do the math"