@Floatersfinest: I think the government looks at Twitter and thinks 'This is WAY cheaper than Asylums'
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@Moronyc: A mosquito fell into my beer five minutes ago and now he's naked and calling his ex-girlfriends and drinking my beer
@david8hughes: [baby sitting] "Hey, yeah it's me. No, everything's fine. Just a quick question about his legs." "..." "So how many legs did he have?"
@catstronomical: I love Harry Porter. All of them. Glasses kid. The ginger one. Smart girl. Dolby. The scene when Dumbledort kills Voldermore. Quizzo matches
@SwoonTwang: If I had a nickel for every time someone called me OCD I'd have 27 dollars and 15 cents.