@drunkNnaughty: I think there should be a mandatory test at 16 that you have to pass and if not, you get neutered or spayed.
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@JoParkerBear: America is a country where half the money is spent buying food, and half is spent trying to lose weight, and half is spent on education.
@trojansauce: [me as a poltergeist] *putting forks in the spoon section of the cutlery drawer* ooooOooOooooo
@LackOfShame: [Call from cell company] We can give you 15 gigs for $100 Me: Excellent! *Puts the band back together
@TheRobCee: Caesar salads are prepared differently than garden salads...Notably, the head of lettuce is first attacked by 40-50 knife-wielding senators.