@iRowlf: I think these bikers are coming over to give me a group hug because they like the Hello Kitty stickers I put all over their motorcycles.
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@WilliamAder: Pretty sure the guy who named them "walkie talkies" got fired before he could name other military equipment.
@Skullcat: What if ants aren't insects at all but are vehicles that even smaller insects drive to work?
@squirrel74wkgn: "What's funny?" The microwave beeping as you walked backwards. "Why's that funny?" Because large objects beep going in reverse, Diane.
@Dutch_50: Went to dinner with a recovering alcoholic vegan who just quit smoking. Everything entering or leaving my mouth was offensive #WorstDateEver