@BooFricketyHoo: I thought I had life all sorted out, and then the wind blew.
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@Cheeseboy22: Every time my dentist is kind enough to tell me I need to floss, I am kind enough to tell him that he needs to trim his nostril hairs.
@Coolhand_Comedy: May be time to get in shape. Halfway up this flight of stairs and I'm considering setting up base camp and trying again in the morning
@kelkulus: The American flags on the moon have been bleached white from 44 years of solar radiation. If aliens ever attack, we've already surrendered.
@KentWGraham: I finally got some me time away from the kids. Two whole hours. It would’ve been longer but my legs went numb crouching behind the dryer.