@BooFricketyHoo: I thought I had life all sorted out, and then the wind blew.
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@brycoo: [HR office] Do you know why we called you in today? To give me a pay rise? No. Because I googled 'How to burn down office' 600 times? Yes.
@Carbosly: Want to get rid of your husband without killing him? Just send him to the grocery store & ask for pine nuts. Mine has been gone 6 years.
@juliussharpe: I hate when my congressman emails me to "take action" on an issue. Dude, you're the one in congress, you do something.
@JimmerThatisAll: This day in history. 1924. Franz Kafka died after a surrealistically charged life which should have its own adjective. Kafkastic? Kafkable?