@brakco: I thought I just had a bad headache but according to WebMD I'm a conjoined twin slowly dying from jaundice.
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@djdarrellripley: Me: Go to school! 9yr Old: It's Sunday. Me: Go to church! 9yr Old: I'm Jewish. Me: Convert!
@causticbob: I recently got a tattoo with Chinese symbols that reads, "I don't know. I don't speak Chinese." Then when people ask me what it means...
@miliondollameat: me: wow the stars are beautiful gf: omg babe they really are me: u know who else is beautiful? gf: *blushes* who? :3 me: Harambe