@omgthatspunny: I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .
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@jonnysun: *slips on a banamna peel* *lifts up banamna peel w/ end of pen* somone get the detective,. somwhere out there, theres a nude banana
@Mr_Kapowski: Me: That does it! [bangs on upstairs neighbor's door] [Elephant on a pogo stick answers] Sup? Am I being too loud?
@SomeChrisTweets: HELLO, 911? I'M FALLING DOWN AN ELEVATOR SHAFT. YES, RIGHT NOW. VERY SLOWLY, THAT'S HOW. HOLD ON, SOMEONE JOINED. WHOA, NOW WE'RE FALLING UP