@Kate_Goldsmith: I thought I typed "twitter" in my URL, but I got Hot Russian Ladies somehow instead. So, I guess I have a wife in the mail....
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@KalvinMacleod: ME: u know what they say, drink with one eye open WIFE: they don’t say that, you’re drunk ME: *closes other eye* it is very dark in here
@thatdutchperson: [does his regular grocery shopping] Cashier: having a kid's birthday party? Me: ...................yes.
@daemonic3: [working in garage] "Hand me a screwdriver, son" A flat one? "No" [mixes vodka and Orange Crush] Here ya go
@wendchymes: Kinda miss the Jane Austen era where a man is driven mad by a woman's hand being ungloved & yet oblivious to her heaving bosom falling out.